Backward Party The Introducing

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The following appeared in The Pitt News,

April 1, 2001. The paper’s satirical April Fool’s issue

is an annual tradition, a favorite among editors

and students alike. That said, this particular piece

infuriated readers for being too difficult to read.

“Yours rub I’ll and, back my rub you,” goes adage the as: Democracy any to component essential an is Backwardness. Falter us let not will world the that hope we, future our whatever but.

Bang Big the to ourselves “backwarding” by universe the with oneness achieve can we that believe worshippers, Backwardsattvas legendary the of precepts the on based. Backwardism, element religious new the is unity and survival Backward for hope only our.

Occipital his on birthmark gauche the and Backwardness orthodox his for famous is Baxton. Remark the with impressed was audience his. “Backs our off shirts the even! Everything want Radicals these,” it put Baxton Chancellor as.

(Backstroke the knew only soldiers their) drowned they where, ocean the into falling up ended all they and, motion forward a is charging since, retreat to them urged leaders their. Backfired weapons their all, armed were Radicals the though. Outcome lucky a, coup Radical a suppressed successfully Backwardists conservative month last.

“Nwod edispu metsys ‘evissergorp’ siht nrut ot evah ew. Ssendrawkcab ruo rorrim lliw elpoep lla, strats noitulover eht ecno. Nac ew ylno, kcab su dloh t’nac dlrow eht.” Srehto lla trevnoc nac ew, hguone gnol kcartkcap ew fi.

Manifesto revised their from excerpt this take: Stance militant a taken have Radicals the but, backward more is side which uncertain, road the of middle are us of most. Backs Radical new the and Backwardists fashioned old the between split recent a suffered has party the, moreover.

Numbers negative of use singular our at heads their scratch creditors most and, it receive not, money soft pay to is Party Backward the of policy the that understand don’t auditors the. Campaign jeopardized a of treasurer you’re when problem real a, records financial keeping trouble have myself I. Last code area the dial members devoted most since, hassles endless to lead friend a calling as tasks simple such. Schoolyard the in tag play to how our figure can’t children and, copulating before conceive to try couples where, front-home the on hardships face even we.

Populations world increase only will that war a start to hard it’s – military the on position our mind never. Bribes accepting before time serve representatives our let to refuse law of courts most and, cooked is it before meal the eat to allowed aren’t we that arguing, us seat to refuse hosts restaurant most. Go we everywhere walking-moon is as, task challenging a is road the of side hand-left the on driving. Party Backward the of member a being easy not it’s, me believe and.

Counterproductive not are we but, backward be may we, record the for. “Counterproductive” as party our to reference consistent media’s the mind never. “Off-face” a as meeting summit our to referred Casey Bob Governor when mortification our notice to seemed one no. Language offensive opponents’ our for excuse no is this but.

Foundation the dug builders when completed was structure the and, first constructed was tower bell the as, scorn of subject a also are headquarters our. Minutes the reads secretary the when end and remarks concluding with begin which, meetings our understand to fail people most, example for. Practices our criticize to quick been have opponents our.

Appreciate to shooting-straight too been we’ve that accomplishments the all celebrate and progress to backs our turn to striving were we, America rural of towns backwater in – values real had people these that realized I, ago years several party the joined I when. Ideals his behind stand we, though, now even.

Him over backed car a when 1977 in end tragic his until backwardness promote to hard working, down ceiling the from party this building, followers many amassed he. History and hindsight of benefit the have we, backward looking by that posited, Derriere Q. John, father founding our. Forwardness with discontentment found have Americans, Forward Leap Great the since ever.

Country the in element political disappearing fastest the, Party Backward the of treasurer acting as words few a express to like would, Isenberg Robert, I.

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